Thursday, April 28, 2011

Thoughtful Thursday

I walk through the valley of shadow of death. 
I see the stars shine so brightly in their orange florescent glow. I watch as they fall and rise with the tide, but yet they peacefully retire to a new day. I'm hoping that the night will come to take away whatever I'm trying to spill to you. I want to open my mouth and let everything pour out. My feelings, my thoughts, my everything; but even if I was to open my mouth nothing but lies would come out. I would trick you into believing something that really isn't there. I'm shallow, I'm mean, I'm everything you want and more. I'm the one that really does hide under your bed, that really does watch you as you sleep. I'm the one that holds you while you are slumbering and sees the smile as my arms incase you in warmth. I breathe on your neck, giving you the goosebumps you wake up with. Do you realize this, or do you just think it's a ghost of your imagination. 

Do you really believe in ghosts or are you one of those people? The ones that believe in lies we cannot prove. Maybe they are right and I'm just the wrong one waiting for something that will never happen. I can't be sure what is real, but I can try to find out; can't I? I'll hunt the afterlife looking for what I thought was true but will only end up in a land so far away I won't remember how to get back to my salvation, to your arms. I'll hold onto what I thinking till my last dying breathe because I can't trust you. You've led me in the wrong direction once before. I can't see how you would know what is right for me, but you seem to think so. What a pity that you really think like that.

The sun won't come out today, it's meaningless to say this......
I'm just looking for someone like you and someone like me. Is that to hard to really find? But don't you worry I'm going to find those people, they will walk with me through this life. I'll find my other half, you know the one hiding in the dark. yeah that one, will find me and we'll dance the night away drunk on the blood. Our laughter will pierce the sky and we'll cry as the moon disappears into the sun. We will fall asleep under the rays of light and awaken back to our world of darkness and decay. Our prayers won't be answered, not by God or by anyone for a matter of fact. 

We'll keep whispering our goals, our hopes, maybe in due time the lords will answer them in ways we can't even imagine. We will keep our eyes close till then, and our minds will be blank for any impression to be made. We will be those whom you can control and tell lies to. We will be your secrets, the ones that you use for your own good. We will sing you to sleep, and watch as you count your money. We are the ones. you may want to know what we are, what we strive to be but your answers will never come. We can't answer you, nor will we speak the language of love to your face. 

I think you would already know that language but who am I kidding, you might know only a bit of it. You couldn't know the whole history, it's too much for your small brain to comprehend. But maybe if I told you upon dying you could grasp some of it's power that it holds over all of us. I really want to go back to 1989 when we use to share the world together. But what happened to that world, where has the sun gone, where has the happiness gone?
My questions won't be known. You're somewhere I can't go. I've tried so many times to find a home that once was mine, but no such luck upon looking. I can't find the signs I need, or the body we buried so long ago. I want my home back, I want my life back, I want the family I use to love back. I need those things back in my life, but what I had those would I be complete like I am now. Or would I fall to pieces right in front of your eyes. 

Answer me this, show me the place where I can't go that you can go. Show me the land of trying that seems to elude me in all my quests. I've sent out my riddles, my equations and yet there seems to be no one that can decode anything that I'm putting down. Where has everyone gone? or am I truly the one gone?

Hope your Thursday was amazing and I can't believe it's Friday tomorrow! Finally, I'm looking forward to some relaxing time with Brian before he leaves for a week (trip to Nashville with his father). I also need to make up some posts for next week since I won't have internet. At least it will give me some time to finish Brian's birthday gift and write. 

Christina 

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