She dressed in black, as the lipstick stained her lips. The plum color stuck to her teeth as if clinging to life itself. She never wore her hair up it was always wrapped round her face even if the wind wasn't blowing. It felt like home, comfort and love. She could easily hide away when the going got tough or if she was embarrassed. Her eyes were outlined in charcoal, it made the emerald color jump out at you. Her cheeks were matted in tears and blush, a light rose color that made her appear almost doll like. She didn't dare say what was bothering her or why she had just cried.
It was useless to try to explain, the words would only get stuck on her tongue and make her choke with the emotion she was afraid to show. Her lips parted and that was it. Just the sound of her inhaling and then the soft sigh of an exhale. She quivered as the temperature started to drop, fall was like this. Sunny and warm during the day but as soon as night hit the temperature would plummet. It would frost in the middle of the night, and would shine as the sun woke up.
Her feet dangled off the swing and she just watched them move absentminded. She couldn't control her limbs anymore than she could control her thoughts. It just happened, they moved without her really telling her brain to move them. Her thoughts would come rushing out like a waterfall and would never stop. She poured her soul and heart into hundreds of journals. They lay strewn across the floor of her apartment like old newspapers. She would flip through them every now and then but mostly there they laid.
She didn't like to remember what she had felt, what she had needed to get off her chest. But why? Why was she so afraid of reliving those moments? She had some good ones, but some bad ones as well. Though everyone had good and bad memories, she just chose to deal with them differently.
She finally looked up and out across the park. It was too cold outside for the little kids to play so she was safe. Safe from the questions, safe from any human interaction. It was the way she liked it, if her tongue could stay glued to the roof of her mouth she would enjoy life much better. She hated the forced social interactions, that she always had to say Hi back to someone on the street. She wanted to be alone.
She wanted nothing more than to lie there and watch the birds fly away. She wanted nothing more than to be really and truly alone.
And she was.
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