Blogging

You know I've read so many blogger tips post from various bloggers and usually it's pretty good advice. But I read one today and it just struck me as rude, well not really rude but more so that everyone has to do what she did/does. That everyone has to be a photographer in order to have a blog but what if your blog isn't about that? What if you like doing book reviews? I want to blog, yes but I'm not very good at updating and if I do I just post a ton of words but that's me. I write. I create stories and every now and then I create some art. I don't take pictures of what I wear, because that's just not me. I also don't own a camera expect for the one on my photo and that's not going to give you a good picture of what I'm wearing.

Plus sorry to say this but everyone and their mother does outfit post, not to say I don't enjoy them because I do but what I'm really trying to say is that it's overdone. Everyone that starts a blog does it, it's not a new thing nor do I think it will ever phase out. I'm also not trying to be rude or mean and if I come off as that then I'm sorry. I'm just telling you what I see, well have been seeing.

I don't know, it seems to me that everyone always has advice about how you should go about blogging, how you should do it. It's kind of like them telling you how to be yourself and letting what you truly enjoy shine through. I think that beginning bloggers should figure stuff out themselves, live and learn. But then again half of the people wanting this advice just want free stuff, they want people to listen to them and want to be friends with them. Because deep down we all just want to feel part of something, that's why some of us blog. We want that connection with other like minded people. I know I do.

I don't have many friends (sometimes having your friends as roommates doesn't turn out the best), I pretty much work and then hang out at home. Expect for those few months Brian and I lived in Nashville and Kaelah, Mike, Brian and I were inseparable. Different story for another day. I guess what I'm really trying to say is that the whole blog world has gotten so different from when I was first introduced to it. I get that people change but I feel that some bloggers don't really care anymore. They use to be so personable but now it's nothing but DIY's and other people's post.

I want to know what is running through their minds, how they come up with the ideas. What gives them inspiration, and what makes them ticked. You know? Maybe I'm the only one that has noticed all of this but I hope that it doesn't stay this way forever. We all need to chill out, take a deep breath and just let things happen. You don't have to have a ton of readers in order to enjoy blogging, nor do you need to have tons of sponsors wanting to throw free things at your face. Write what's in your heart and the rest will come and if it doesn't don't sweat it.

There you have it. This has been on my mind all morning and for awhile. If you agree then you agree and if you don't then oh well you don't.

Christina

Currently

Reading: I just finished The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, so I haven't had the chance to start a new book.  Though I've been reading Lord Of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring on and off for awhile now. I got really into in October of last year but then I moved so I haven't really made a dent in it. I'm hoping to pick up a new book, probably the next book in the Millennium series, in a few days. If not that then I have a few other ones I'm looking into.

Watching: The Big Bang Theory. I've always heard good things about this TV show but only have just started watching it like a month ago. I love it. I love the characters, how the act with each other and the overall dialogue. Brian, my boyfriend, seriously asked me to sing 'Soft Kitty' to him last night and all I could do was just laugh. Yes I did sing it to him.

Thinking About: Oh gosh where to start. haha At the moment the most important thing on my mind is a full time job. As of two weeks ago I left my position at Maurices, due to reasons. I don't want to go into detail, let's just say I wasn't 100% happy there. Pretty much it was taking over my life, I complained about it when I was there and even on my days off. Everything just got under my skin and it wasn't very healthy for me. So at the moment I'm working at a different retail place, not the best but it pays me so I'm going to stick with it. I'm applying and searching so let's keep our fingers crossed for some good news soon. That's pretty much the biggest thing on my mind.

Loving: This summer heat in the middle of spring. I love being able to wear dresses every day without tights, it's just amazing. I'm glad that it hasn't gotten super hot just yet though for a couple of days we were getting some muggy weather. I do have a feeling that we aren't done with the coolish weather just yet. Last week was ridiculous, it got down to the 30's at night and we actually had to turn on the heat. What's going on Iowa? I'm hoping that we have finally reached our spring time temps and won't go below 50 anytime soon. Please stay away until November. Pretty please?!

Anticipating: Kaelah's wedding!!I know, I know it's not until October but let me be. I'm super excited to be part of it, I just know that it's going to be magical. I'm grateful that Mike and Kaelah want Brian and I to be part of their big day. Plus we have an awesome wedding gift planned, if I do say so myself.

Listening to: The TV, I don't have any music on and I'm not sure about what is on. I have this small tv in my room and like only 10 channels work so I never know what's on.

Feeling Thankful for: Brian, my friends, and like everything. It's one of those days were I'm just glad to have a roof over my head even if my situation isn't the must ideal one. You got to roll with the punches.


Christina

I got this feature from Danielle over at Sometimes Sweet. I've always loved when she does this so I thought I'd give it a try.

Book Review: The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo

'Harriet Vanger, a scion of one of Sweden's wealthiest families, disappeared over forty years ago. All these years later, her aged uncle continues to seek the truth. He hires Mikael Blomkvist, a crusading journalist recently trapped by a libel conviction, to investigate. he is aided by the pierced and tattooed punk prodigy Lisbeth Salander. Together they tap into a vein of unfathomable iniquity and astonishing corruption.'

This is one of those books that I've picked up multiple times but just haven't committed to buying it. I'm not sure why. I just wasn't 100% sure if I was going to like this book or not. I'm glad that I finally bought it because it was great. And I know everyone and their mother has read the book but I just had to see what all the buzz was about. (That's what I did with The Hunger Games and I loved those books.) 

I felt that the beginning was a bit slow, though I read though it pretty fast. It was filled with lots of details about the characters which was nice because you got to know them and be part of their life. But I was dying to get to the mystery surrounding Harriet Vanger. I do love me a great mystery/murder novel. I was hooked after reading the about the day that she disappeared and had to keep reading. The further Mikael went in the rabbit hole that is the Vanger family the better the book got. 

I don't want to spoil the book or anything so I won't go into detail about certain scenes or the ending. But let me just say that as much as I loved how Mikael and Lisbeth figured about the mystery about Harriet I just wish that it had been a different story. (SPOILER: Deep down I wish that she had been murdered by a member of the Vanger family.) The closer between Lisbeth and Mikael got the more I wanted them to be together. I think they make a great detective pair and it just goes to show you that it doesn't matter how you look because you never know what's deep down. 

I would definitely recommend this book to anyone that is looking for a new read and is looking for a thrill ride. I'm planning on reading the other two books in the series, The Girl that Played with Fire and The Girl that Kicked The Hornet's Nest. I'm excited because I know the other two books will be fantastic just like this one. 

If anyone else has read this book, I would totally love to discuss it. 

Christina 

Real Life talk

There are days where I feel completely lost, today is one of those days. I feel like I'm not getting anywhere, I'm stuck and I can't seem to figure out what I need to do. I have a job, which I'm grateful for because it gives me something to do and I get a regular pay check so that's nice. But I'm not entirely happy where I am. There is so much stupid crap that goes on between the other girls and me, which sucks plus we have been going through some crazy changes. This past Saturday, I was getting really frustrated with my coworkers and people in general that I really wanted to quit. I can't though, the fact that I need a job and money is making me stay.

This job just isn't what I really want to do but for right now it's okay. It pays fine but it's not enough for me to be financially stable. I can't live on my own, I'm currently living with my boyfriend's parents. We can afford a place on our own, nor can we qualify for a place because both of us make so little. It's frustrating and defeating. It makes me feel even more like I can't get anywhere. I don't know where to go, or who to turn to.

I'm not sure what field I would look in for a job, it feels as if I have no useful skills. I went to a music school and have a degree in music business, but that field is pretty  much impossible to get into unless you know someone that knows someone. I also decided while in college that I didn't want to go into that field, my heart just wasn't completely in it. My passion for music was nothing like my boyfriends.

Every since my boyfriend and I moved from Minnesota everything has kind of fallen apart. I feel like I have lost myself in the abyss and I can't seem to escape. I'm drowning in the black and I can't quite choke out the words. I can't figure out what I want to do in life, what my dream job would be or where I want to end up. Nothing feels right, I'm just going through the motions of everyday life but it doesn't actually seem like I'm really living life. I feel like I'm getting stepped over constantly and it sucks.

To really sum it up I don't know what to do anymore. I need to find a new job so I can actually make money and finally start the life I'm missing out on. I need to get more money so I can get a place to live and start paying on my student loans. I need a new job that challenges me but leaves me feeling fulfilled. Something that makes me want to wake up and go to work. I don't want to deal with this anymore. I don't want to keep getting pushed to the side. I'm tired of feeling like I suck at my job because it's being made that way.

I just wish I could be happy, that I could see the silver lining. I wish that my boyfriend and I could get a break for once. I wish that for once everything would go right for me. I'm hoping that something new is coming, that I'm about to find something that will get me out of this rut I'm living in. Maybe there was something good right around the corner. I can only hope.


Christina

Me, my blog, and I

This post really isn't going to be about my goals for this blog this year. It's more of a wishlist, kind of, and more of my thoughts when it comes to blogging. I've been signed up with blogger for almost 2 years now, but never have been able to keep a blog going. I first signed up so I could read and remember Kaelah's blog but at that time I never really thought about starting one myself.

I like to write, yeah but I by no means have an exciting life. I pretty much wake up, eat, hangout on the internet, go to work, come home, and go to bed. Well that's my routine for right now but still at my other job I would wake up, go to work, come home, eat, watch tv and go to bed. There was some internet time but I wasn't sitting around for hours on my computer mainly because I was tired from the day. I like to write fiction, I like to make up people and places and plots. I like to give them love and then take it away. I've always been a writer, though there were a few years where I had forgotten all about my passion so I was focusing on another.

I decided in the summer of 2010 that I was going to start a blog and tell the people of the internet about me moving away to Portland, OR. It was a terrible time in my life, moving away from my boyfriend, not really having a job, no money, student loans piling up, etc. I kept up with the blog for a month and then I just completely forgot about it. Why? Truth is life. Life got in the way, I moved back to my boyfriend, even though at the time he had just broken up with me. It just wasn't a good time in my life for me to focus on getting a job and having a blog. There wasn't much for me to blog about besides saying I was sitting at a coffee shop stealing their internet.

I'm sure I would have won some award for that content. So that blog was long forgotten. I still checked into blogger to read the blogs I had fell in love with but I never hit make a post button. Half a year later I thought to myself I should start another blog but make myself actually blog this time. That went well for awhile and then it halted. Blogger was going through some issues and I couldn't login to my account so I left it for dust. Fast forward a few months I finally logged in and started to update on the journey of my life. At that time I had moved to Nashville with my boyfriend (we eventually got back together) and was filling the void in my life with writing.

Really I'm just not good about blogging. I get tired after work and the last thing I want to do is write up a post or search the internet for a picture to talk about. It also doesn't help that I feel like I'm talking to a wall with these posts but hey at least I'm getting out everything that's swimming in my head. My blog is really a place for me to get my ideas out. To get all those jumbled words that are stuck in my head out onto paper or at least a blog post. Most of my blog posts are going to be words, not a ton of pictures. I don't do the whole outfit post, it's not really my style. I might share an occasionally picture of what I wore but I won't devote a few days a week to it.

That's just not, I'm not a fashion blogger, nor will I ever be. I'm me, I write, I paint, I draw, and I create. I'll document that here among other things. I'll get sappy or depressing but that's only because I'm human. My feelings go up and down. I'm also aware that this is getting crazy long and I'm sure everyone has already lost all interest. But this is what I do, I ramble but if you like rambling then I hope you keep reading and checking in. And if I bore you to death then sorry, you don't have to read my blog. So here's to me trying to keep up on this blog.

Christina

Thoughtful Thursday

It's that sweet sound of your lips on mine. It's those touches I can't erase from my mind. Your eyes linger in my heart. I can't stop this from coming. I can't stop my body from trembling, please stop it. Stop this love from spreading in my veins, I don't want to die. I'm in love but with what? The idea of love or the person you only show to me? I can't be the only person you love. Show me that I matter, that your breath would cease if I wasn't around. Show me the light of your heart, give me those timely beats. Let them engulf me in a fire I can die from. The heat can't harm me only bathe me in a glow I don't ever want to lose.

You may call me crazy, say that I have finally lost my mind but do you really know what crazy is? You and your so called perfect life. Death has never graced you, nor have you had to wander this earth searching for food. But that's not why I love you, no it's not your innocence in all things that matter. It's that glow, that twinkle in your eyes that brings me to my knees. My only question is, is this how you feel about me? Am I the blood that pumps through your veins or could you just throw me away like the trash?

I'm sorry is that a loaded question, too much for you to answer? Just spit it out, chew me up and leave to me perish. Let me become the ghost of my past, let me sink into that pot hole of hell and start to ponder. I can go back to the beginning, I can see clearly now. I can feel your presence but your body is gone. Where have you gone? Did the right one come along while I was loathing? Did she take you away? Show you everything you don't have with me?

Are her eyes happy unlike mine? Do they shine with that glory that I will never have? Does she take your breath away? I miss you. Please don't fly away just yet. Let's keep 'us' together for just a few more moments. Can we just fall asleep and dream of the past? Can we remember the first time we kissed, that time our bodies finally molded together? That first time that we let our guards down and had someone invade our space. Can we please go back to that moment when I showed you my heart and you loved it even if there were some bruises here and there. Can we please keep this love?


I choose you and always will.

If I sing will they hear the beauty in tragedy?
Will your grace by my saviour or will I die by his might?
My father's words ring hallow, the truth of love
I never listened and now I'm here
driving on these winding roads, they twist and turn
leaving me guessing the right path to choose
only I can see the light up ahead
only I can tell you when to go
my only heart beats for you
but doesn't that make me selfish?
Shouldn't I take all the pressure off of you?
Let you slide by with barely a scratch
If I'm going down without a fight
then I'm taking all of you with me
but only if you want to let go
and give me all of you.



Christina

I'm here

My fingers drum the beat, the ever lasting feeling is slowly coming to an end. I whisper these words and all I can think of is how beautiful you really are. Those words drip out of your mouth, how romantic it can seem to want to save someone. But saving me isn't going to help the problem. My problem is bigger than you telling me that you'll be there. I'm lost in my head, have you ever been in a place so misleading? My eyes are open come save me. I can hear you singing those words but yet where is your body in this action. I can't feel your skin on mine, I'm constantly looking for those touches. I want to save you, yes I do but do you want to really save me? I need you, I need you. I'm bleeding on the inside, I'm craving for something more, I want the thrill of life to smack me in the face. I want to face the sea and not be afraid of what's in the depths. 

I'm sitting here and nothing comes to mind. I'm lost once again and I don't know how long it will take me to guide this maze. I'm waiting for this room to clear, for my heart to be empty but yet I'm bounded to you. I want to leave but I can't because I can't give up this love. I know I'm pushing you away with my thoughts but what can a girl do when she can't feel a single thing? I can't feel the pinprick of society upon my flesh. I want to feel death rising up. I want to feel the cold stab of jealously just so I can actually feel life. Please give me death, give me the grave. I want to burn, I want to yearn for you once again. I can't even begin to explain to you how this feels.

I wish that you could understand and see what it's like in my brain. I'm running around in circles and nothing is coming off. I can't shake it and it only seems like a ticking time bomb before my insides explode. I want to love you with my whole heart but why does it seem like some days I could just leave you and never feel anything again? Some days I could just drop this love and run out on you and not have a second thought. I could give up those kisses and walk away. I could but I would always have you on the back of my mind. We are one, we are together but for how long? Why? Why does it seem like this is all I keep thinking about these days?

I want that life I don't have right now. I've never been so lost, please direct this boat to me. I want to fade into the night and gently float away with the daily fog. I can't see straight, I'm feeling short of breathe and yet you don't see these warning signs. Where are you? Cause here I am. Please give me what I crave, I want that love the takes my breathe away. I want you to knock me out, I want to bleed for you. Give me what you have taken away and I'll try to behave. I'm waiting here and I can't seem to type fast enough. I have so much I want to speak to you but yet when I open my mouth all you get is air. I can't actually say to you what I know I should say. Is this how I really feel or is it the depression? Throw away my keys, take my lock and throw it into the ocean. 

I'm on the edge but of what. Are we nearing the end or is this just the beginning? Are we finally realizing what we are to become or am I just dreaming? I don't know what to do anymore. I have all these passions but yet none of them are panning out and what is a girl to do? I can't keep following these weather patterns, I'm tired of the rain. I'm tired, can't you see? My heart is tired and confused. I would be lost without you but would I be free if I gave up on you? Please tell me why I can't seem to understand what I really want. 

I want that new love, I want to feel the butterflies once more. I should still be feeling like this but maybe I'm too needy. What do you say? Can we go back to the beginning of this and start all over? Can you kiss me like you use to? Can you show me your heart because I haven't seen it in days? 

Christina