I'm here

My fingers drum the beat, the ever lasting feeling is slowly coming to an end. I whisper these words and all I can think of is how beautiful you really are. Those words drip out of your mouth, how romantic it can seem to want to save someone. But saving me isn't going to help the problem. My problem is bigger than you telling me that you'll be there. I'm lost in my head, have you ever been in a place so misleading? My eyes are open come save me. I can hear you singing those words but yet where is your body in this action. I can't feel your skin on mine, I'm constantly looking for those touches. I want to save you, yes I do but do you want to really save me? I need you, I need you. I'm bleeding on the inside, I'm craving for something more, I want the thrill of life to smack me in the face. I want to face the sea and not be afraid of what's in the depths. 

I'm sitting here and nothing comes to mind. I'm lost once again and I don't know how long it will take me to guide this maze. I'm waiting for this room to clear, for my heart to be empty but yet I'm bounded to you. I want to leave but I can't because I can't give up this love. I know I'm pushing you away with my thoughts but what can a girl do when she can't feel a single thing? I can't feel the pinprick of society upon my flesh. I want to feel death rising up. I want to feel the cold stab of jealously just so I can actually feel life. Please give me death, give me the grave. I want to burn, I want to yearn for you once again. I can't even begin to explain to you how this feels.

I wish that you could understand and see what it's like in my brain. I'm running around in circles and nothing is coming off. I can't shake it and it only seems like a ticking time bomb before my insides explode. I want to love you with my whole heart but why does it seem like some days I could just leave you and never feel anything again? Some days I could just drop this love and run out on you and not have a second thought. I could give up those kisses and walk away. I could but I would always have you on the back of my mind. We are one, we are together but for how long? Why? Why does it seem like this is all I keep thinking about these days?

I want that life I don't have right now. I've never been so lost, please direct this boat to me. I want to fade into the night and gently float away with the daily fog. I can't see straight, I'm feeling short of breathe and yet you don't see these warning signs. Where are you? Cause here I am. Please give me what I crave, I want that love the takes my breathe away. I want you to knock me out, I want to bleed for you. Give me what you have taken away and I'll try to behave. I'm waiting here and I can't seem to type fast enough. I have so much I want to speak to you but yet when I open my mouth all you get is air. I can't actually say to you what I know I should say. Is this how I really feel or is it the depression? Throw away my keys, take my lock and throw it into the ocean. 

I'm on the edge but of what. Are we nearing the end or is this just the beginning? Are we finally realizing what we are to become or am I just dreaming? I don't know what to do anymore. I have all these passions but yet none of them are panning out and what is a girl to do? I can't keep following these weather patterns, I'm tired of the rain. I'm tired, can't you see? My heart is tired and confused. I would be lost without you but would I be free if I gave up on you? Please tell me why I can't seem to understand what I really want. 

I want that new love, I want to feel the butterflies once more. I should still be feeling like this but maybe I'm too needy. What do you say? Can we go back to the beginning of this and start all over? Can you kiss me like you use to? Can you show me your heart because I haven't seen it in days? 

Christina