Me, my blog, and I

This post really isn't going to be about my goals for this blog this year. It's more of a wishlist, kind of, and more of my thoughts when it comes to blogging. I've been signed up with blogger for almost 2 years now, but never have been able to keep a blog going. I first signed up so I could read and remember Kaelah's blog but at that time I never really thought about starting one myself.

I like to write, yeah but I by no means have an exciting life. I pretty much wake up, eat, hangout on the internet, go to work, come home, and go to bed. Well that's my routine for right now but still at my other job I would wake up, go to work, come home, eat, watch tv and go to bed. There was some internet time but I wasn't sitting around for hours on my computer mainly because I was tired from the day. I like to write fiction, I like to make up people and places and plots. I like to give them love and then take it away. I've always been a writer, though there were a few years where I had forgotten all about my passion so I was focusing on another.

I decided in the summer of 2010 that I was going to start a blog and tell the people of the internet about me moving away to Portland, OR. It was a terrible time in my life, moving away from my boyfriend, not really having a job, no money, student loans piling up, etc. I kept up with the blog for a month and then I just completely forgot about it. Why? Truth is life. Life got in the way, I moved back to my boyfriend, even though at the time he had just broken up with me. It just wasn't a good time in my life for me to focus on getting a job and having a blog. There wasn't much for me to blog about besides saying I was sitting at a coffee shop stealing their internet.

I'm sure I would have won some award for that content. So that blog was long forgotten. I still checked into blogger to read the blogs I had fell in love with but I never hit make a post button. Half a year later I thought to myself I should start another blog but make myself actually blog this time. That went well for awhile and then it halted. Blogger was going through some issues and I couldn't login to my account so I left it for dust. Fast forward a few months I finally logged in and started to update on the journey of my life. At that time I had moved to Nashville with my boyfriend (we eventually got back together) and was filling the void in my life with writing.

Really I'm just not good about blogging. I get tired after work and the last thing I want to do is write up a post or search the internet for a picture to talk about. It also doesn't help that I feel like I'm talking to a wall with these posts but hey at least I'm getting out everything that's swimming in my head. My blog is really a place for me to get my ideas out. To get all those jumbled words that are stuck in my head out onto paper or at least a blog post. Most of my blog posts are going to be words, not a ton of pictures. I don't do the whole outfit post, it's not really my style. I might share an occasionally picture of what I wore but I won't devote a few days a week to it.

That's just not, I'm not a fashion blogger, nor will I ever be. I'm me, I write, I paint, I draw, and I create. I'll document that here among other things. I'll get sappy or depressing but that's only because I'm human. My feelings go up and down. I'm also aware that this is getting crazy long and I'm sure everyone has already lost all interest. But this is what I do, I ramble but if you like rambling then I hope you keep reading and checking in. And if I bore you to death then sorry, you don't have to read my blog. So here's to me trying to keep up on this blog.

Christina

Thoughtful Thursday

It's that sweet sound of your lips on mine. It's those touches I can't erase from my mind. Your eyes linger in my heart. I can't stop this from coming. I can't stop my body from trembling, please stop it. Stop this love from spreading in my veins, I don't want to die. I'm in love but with what? The idea of love or the person you only show to me? I can't be the only person you love. Show me that I matter, that your breath would cease if I wasn't around. Show me the light of your heart, give me those timely beats. Let them engulf me in a fire I can die from. The heat can't harm me only bathe me in a glow I don't ever want to lose.

You may call me crazy, say that I have finally lost my mind but do you really know what crazy is? You and your so called perfect life. Death has never graced you, nor have you had to wander this earth searching for food. But that's not why I love you, no it's not your innocence in all things that matter. It's that glow, that twinkle in your eyes that brings me to my knees. My only question is, is this how you feel about me? Am I the blood that pumps through your veins or could you just throw me away like the trash?

I'm sorry is that a loaded question, too much for you to answer? Just spit it out, chew me up and leave to me perish. Let me become the ghost of my past, let me sink into that pot hole of hell and start to ponder. I can go back to the beginning, I can see clearly now. I can feel your presence but your body is gone. Where have you gone? Did the right one come along while I was loathing? Did she take you away? Show you everything you don't have with me?

Are her eyes happy unlike mine? Do they shine with that glory that I will never have? Does she take your breath away? I miss you. Please don't fly away just yet. Let's keep 'us' together for just a few more moments. Can we just fall asleep and dream of the past? Can we remember the first time we kissed, that time our bodies finally molded together? That first time that we let our guards down and had someone invade our space. Can we please go back to that moment when I showed you my heart and you loved it even if there were some bruises here and there. Can we please keep this love?


I choose you and always will.

If I sing will they hear the beauty in tragedy?
Will your grace by my saviour or will I die by his might?
My father's words ring hallow, the truth of love
I never listened and now I'm here
driving on these winding roads, they twist and turn
leaving me guessing the right path to choose
only I can see the light up ahead
only I can tell you when to go
my only heart beats for you
but doesn't that make me selfish?
Shouldn't I take all the pressure off of you?
Let you slide by with barely a scratch
If I'm going down without a fight
then I'm taking all of you with me
but only if you want to let go
and give me all of you.



Christina