A year ago,

If you look back on my life for the past year I can say it's been a crazy ride. Going through a breakup, dealing with the dreaded ex still hanging around (but we are not going to get into that, what's done is done), starting  new relationship and what not. I have a new job since the last time I actually posted, which has it's ups and it's down. I'm still struggling to find myself a career with allows me to be creative. I'm still working on releasing a book, I actually have the start of a poetry book in the works. I really need to step up my game though and actually make myself do it. 

I talk myself up that I'm writing but here I am never actually writing a ton. I need to get better about writing every day, I need to write even when the words coming out of my head feel like crap. I'll never actually make a career out of something creative if I don't physically try, you know? I guess this is my try to pump myself up and get my butt in gear. 

I see all these fabulous ladies on the internet making a living for themselves doing what they love. I see them make blogs about fashion, about DIY's or about what every pleases them. I see these ladies and get envious of their lifestyles, I know it's no picnic and that they have worked very hard to get where they are but I'm envious that day in and day out they get to do what they love. 

I have all these ambitions, hopes and goals that I want to achieve in life. I want to paint, I want to write novels, I want to own my book publishing company, I want, I want, I want. But maybe I have too many ambitions, maybe I focus on wanting so much more than I can actually obtain. Maybe I'm just too small of a human being to grasp these big goals I have in mind. But then again I'm my own worst enemy, we all are. 

A year ago, I still had the same goals but wasn't anywhere close to them and I'm still not now. I have journals filled with ideas about etsy shops I want to open up. I want to bring people joy with what I create but sitting on my butt won't' do that. 

A year go, I didn't have a poetry book in the works. I may not work on it much but I still have something I'm working on. I write some poems while at work, when I have the chance, but i'm still trying to find my ground. If we are being honest with each other, I'm afraid. I'm scared that what I put down on paper will be terrible to others. They will read it and just laugh because to them it doesn't make sense or that it's not as good as so and so. 

Everyone has their critics and I just have to face mine. With this blog I'm planning on using it a lot more than I have before. I'm planning on posting my poetry on here and just writing what comes to my mind, which is a lot of craziness on certain days. I am going to make something of myself and work towards those goals I have. 

I am. 

-Christina